Awaken the Teacher

Lessons in Silence
Lessons in Silence

In absence I am whole
In presence I am complete
Neither seeking here nor there
Fulfilled to the brim
Fountaining out
Encompassed by acceptance
Radiating light beyond measure
Luminous with love
To continue the journey, now outward
To ignite everything I touch aflame
To feel comfort
To feel safe
To feel their beauty
Our beauty
And illuminate together
Be like the stars and ever shine

So I wrote this during my Yoga Nidra teacher training after coming out of a very deep session. I think it’s considered “Automatic Writing”. I have studied spirituality since I can remember. My sister then introduced me to the Celestine Prophecy when I was 14 and that lead me to quantum physics and meditation. I started reading about witchcraft, learning about alchemy and always feeling connected and very aware of the energies that flowed around and through me.
I actually took my Yoga Teacher Training without the intention to actually teach. I didn’t feel like I had that much knowledge or experience. Or really that anyone would want to listen to what I had to say about it all haha
But after my training, after my nidra experiences I felt the teacher within, awaken. I did a lot of work on my throat chakra. It felt blocked for some reason and no matter what I did, it wouldn’t attune.
Then I realized I had to start at the foundation. Start at the root. Feel steady and stable in my own knowledge. In my own body. In my own self. And once I acknowledged that, my throat started opening. Strange how that works hey?! Focusing so much on one thing that I was blinded to the very obvious solution.
Long story short… I had begun my seemingly destined journey to teach.
My experiences in my time here have taught me that everyone is a teacher in some form. My daughters teach me every day, if my ego allows them to.
The piece I wrote seemed to come from a very deep place of inspiration and community. Realizing the value in my experiences and what knowledge I can be a vessel for. As well as having a desire to build strong relationships with like-minded and like-hearted people. Cultivating something that can nourish and illuminate those around us. Passing it on to spark that inspiration in everyone we touch.
So I guess my reason for this post is to invite you to acknowledge your inner teacher. Water that little seed with all the love, confidence and encouragement that you can muster and every single day, pass on a little piece of your experience. Your consciousness is here, breathing life in whatever form you choose to make it. Why not choose to make others journey’s lighter. Filled with more love. More grounding. Be a safe place for unsettled hearts and soft spaces for the hurt ones. Hold space for the teachers in our lives and the students. We are both of these at all times.

I look forward to cultivating an amazingly luminous existence with you.

.be love.
~kurst

you were born to light up the world
you were born to light up the world
purpose
purpose
sacred knowledge
sacred knowledge

 

Attachment

allow life to flow
allow life to flow

Even if something’s carved in stone, it’s all just grains of sand

In the end we’re all ashes and dust

Why hold steadfast to things that can be blown away in a whisper?

Mountains erode, rivers run dry

The moon is full, then in her cycle… disappears

Why cling to the wax or the wane?

In her orb, she returns different each time ~ but never less brilliant

The light… something to hold onto

Even in darkness you can still be aware of it’s essence

It leaves its glow on all things

Like a spirit, it can touch you

In ways you can never forget

The vessel that harboured that spirit can be gone from sight

But never from the minds eye or the hearts touch

So I guess the key is to hold onto the essence and the lesson

But not the form or the teacher

Respect is given. Honour and love too

But the greatest gift would be thanks

Gratitude. Not for what was or could be

But for what is

And that’s the essence of this thing called Life.

The reason for this piece was to process my understanding of “non attachment”. It was/is a difficult concept for me to fully embody. Yoga philosophy teaches that all suffering comes from attachment. Whether that be a craving for something we desire or an aversion to something we detest. It all falls under the umbrella of attachment. When we desire something then we receive it, we start to fear that we will lose it. This is the suffering that comes from craving. On the opposite side, when we have a distaste for something, we start to worry about having to encounter this thing in our lives. This is the form of suffering that aversion takes in our lives.

Attachment to the outcome. Attachment to the feeling. Attachment to the fear. All still attachment.

Imagine if we cried when flowing water slipped through our fingers because we were trying to hold onto it. That thought seems ludicrous. Everyone knows you can’t hold water so we are not attached to that outcome. The same rule applies to life. We cannot hold onto anything forever. Life is ever moving. Ever changing. Ever flowing. Every tangible thing is like water slipping through our fingers. Impermanent. Doesn’t make it any less beautiful or amazing. It most definitely is. Life is fragile and can be gone in the blink of an eye so why spend it in suffering? Why not delight in every joy or shed a tear in every sadness but allow those emotions to flow through us. Allow us the experience of them but let them go to experience another when it rises to the surface.

For me the key is acceptance. Not the what if of the past or what could’ve been for the future, but the ‘what is’. Accepting all situations as they are. No labels. No judgements. No justifications of “I do this because I like it” or “I don’t do this because I hate it”. Understanding that everything is unfolding exactly as it is. Consciousness experiencing life in human form is simply that…. a conscious experience. Understanding that can take away so much unnecessary suffering and strife. So much worry. So much needing. So much feeling unsatisfied or unfulfilled. Waiting to protect our desires from what we fear most or fearing encountering the things we wish to avoid.

I tell you the truth when I fear, for example, not having money for my bills, I call that very stressful thing to me. The thing I am consciously trying to avoid… I am subconsciously calling through my mental attachment to it. The constant thinking about it. The “what if’s” with every bill I get in the mail. We all have the tendency to dwell for longer than is needed on the aversions and cravings in our lives. Always bouncing between the past or future. Almost never allowing the “now” to flow along our path without trying to control it and tug it in the direction we want it to flow. Our human mind is pretty hilarious. Does the exact opposite of flowing and attempts to control the uncontrolable.

In my opinion, the biggest battle of attachment we as humans face is the attachment to life which goes hand in hand with our aversion to death. Even though we know its the one thing no one can escape. No matter your age, status, gender or religion. We cling on with dear life (see what I did there?) to something we know we cannot hold onto. And thus, the ultimate suffering.

I’ve attached a wonderful animation by Aisha Azim. It portrays this universal attachment in the most beautiful way.

Watch: The Life of Death

So, point of all this?! I ask you to allow your life to flow without resistance. Try, just with one tiny thing, on a daily basis to observe the flow of events (big or small) as they move in and out of your day. With no attachment to any particular outcome. Simply bear witness to consciousness experiencing this existence and I promise you… what you will witness is all the joy, love and contentment will have room to manifest abundantly.

.let go.

~kurst

let go of the outcome
let go of the outcome

 

Doesn't sound so zen... haha
Doesn’t sound so zen… haha

Return to love

hands and lashes
.be.strong.be.bold. 

photography by Fritz Tolentino

So much gratitude for the growth of this past year.

Goddess Kali stoked my fire. Kept me strong but not hardened. Kept me fierce but not cruel. Moments of weakness. Moments of feeling lost. Feeling as though I’d break, then realizing that my shell had to burst open to allow the seeds I had sown, so long ago, to come to fruition.

I stand now a little bit wiser than a year ago.

A little more bruised and scuffed up.

But I marvel at the beauty that has emerged as me.

At the strength in my ability to be vulnerable. At the capacity my heart has for love. At how each time I thought I’d reached a breaking point, it moved further and further from my sight and I remained whole.

 

So… I’ve had a pretty intense year. Finding acceptance for transition that I didn’t feel I was ready for but was put at my doorstep so had no choice but to welcome it. In my first post I talked about breath. How simply breathing and finding silence can bring solace and peace. This is true in my day to day life. However, there were many times this past year where peace could not be found simply in my breath but in sitting amidst the chaos, feeling the sharp ache of heartbreak, embodying sadness, resentment, anger or grief instead of distracting myself by things that felt temporarily better.

There were days it was difficult to wake up and face the day and my girls with a smile because my heart was heavy, my head throbbed from crying once they had finally gone to sleep the night before and I could finally be alone in my heartbreak. There were days I felt like I was just keeping everything afloat. Drowning gracefully.

Everyday no matter what that day held for me, I made a promise to accept it as reality. Not resist what came my way. I constantly reminded myself to relinquish the words “what if…” and live by the words “What is…”

This is where Kali stepped in. Even though I feared the unknown, I faced it head on. I realized, through attachment that I kept broken pieces inside to continue to wound me. We all do this. Maybe to affirm that our pain is real? Validate our suffering? I’m not sure why but I do know that sitting in that pain, feeling that sadness and anger, looking at those broken pieces of me and realizing I didn’t want to feel broken from the inside anymore is what made me whole again.

I felt heartbreakingly sad but each day made an effort to be happy with myself. I felt massive waves of rage but each day chose to be kind to myself. I felt broken down and defeated but each day chose to raise my head and walk with it held high. And over the days and months of doing this, I started to feel whole again. Embodying the Goddess within. Showing compassion to myself for the pain I had so long chosen to endure… for fear of letting go and feeling emptiness. Forgiving myself for losing footing on a misguided path. Honouring myself for being human and having loved in such an all encompassing way. I started to feel strong again. Light again. Me again.

So I guess the purpose of this post is to show the other side of the coin. The chaos. What we label as “the bad side”. To hopefully show that it’s ok to feel these emotions. It’s ok because they’re human. We are human. The key is to not dwell in them. To face them, no matter how ugly. To feel them, no matter how heavy. And then to release them and lighten the load for the rest of the journey. A year ago I had to consciously tell myself to wake up, smile, put one foot in front of the other. Now I’ve reawakened my nature. Creativity is flowing. Synchronicities are abundant. A smile or laugh is never far from my lips.

Moral of this long winded story? We choose how we feel each day. Life happens. The flow is constant and never halts. We can’t change the past, we can’t control the future. All we have is now. So make the choice to feel, to experience, to live in the vibration of our highest good and promote growth. There are really only two emotions. Fear and Love. Everything else are shades along that spectrum. So I say to you, take note when you’re “in chaos” and ask yourself if you are reacting from a place of fear (anger,sadness, greed etc) or from love (kindness,happiness,compassion etc).

Love is the highest vibration.

.be.love.

~kurst

17bd233
~ take note of your choices ~

choose-love

Imagine a Dream

Imagine something even money can’t buy

Imagine not wanting for anything

Imagine having what you need as well as desire

Without ever having to ask

This is life. We just don’t realize it yet.

The false masks aren’t needed

The money can’t buy friends or happiness… no matter how cliché that sounds

The empty smiles can’t fill the emptiness

So then you ask… where is it? How do I get it?

You get glimpses of it in every true moment

Every genuine smile

Every wholehearted laugh

Everytime the word “love” graces your ears

These are tiny everyday treasures

That should be cherished

It’s amazing how things seemingly insignificant

Can be the determining factor

Between a lie we have believed as reality

And a truth that can make life a dream.

 

So what was that piece from my journal about hey? I am a believer of manifestation. That we are the creators of our own heavens and hells. That we have trained our minds, or have had our minds trained, to think that this seemingly tangible world is our reality and the energies we exchange and the power behind thought and intention are the dreams. That money buys us stuff that make us happy and that love can’t fill our wallets. Depends on our perception I guess. What eyes we’re looking at the world through.

I’d invite you to take a second to stop. Right now…. Just stop whatever you’re doing. Feel the body you are in. Be conscious of what that body is doing. Are you playing with your hands as you read this? Are you tapping your foot or moving your mind elsewhere? Are you splitting your attention between multiple things?

Now… Inhale. Deep breath in. Feel the air as it enters your nostrils, travels into you head and down your throat feeling that rise in the belly.

.exhale.

Quiet down all that chatter in there. Listen to that silence. We’re so busy filling ourselves with thoughts and goals and “next steps” and we feel as though that is what is fueling us… keeping us going… but in this moment as you just take a breath and embody the stillness… experience how the silence actually fills you. Allows you to feel whole… even if just for that one breath.

I asked you to do that simply because experience is the best teacher. We can hear something, read something, talk about something and we can comprehend it intellectually but only through actual experience do we start to fully understand it. There are countless moments in our day that we can stop and bring our awareness to the stillness. Embody the bliss that comes in those moments. In time, those moments become minutes, those minutes become hours, those hours become days and those days then become a life. A lifetime of bliss through awareness and gratitude emitted through silence.

Take time today to breathe. To be still. To be grateful.

Until further inspiration hits….

be.love.

~kurst

deep breaths
breathe love